Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
