I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
