Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
