well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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