I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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