Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
