so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
