george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
