Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
