We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
