wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
