That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You ate ashes out of my bong
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
