Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
