I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
