And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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