I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My pussy is not your playground.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
