I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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