Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
