And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
