New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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