literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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