Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
