There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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