Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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