Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i drank out of a bidet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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