did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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