I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
