Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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