I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
