and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
