unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
