I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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