Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
