Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
