chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize