That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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