If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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