sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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