I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
