Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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