I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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