I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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