So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
