it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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