The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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