Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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