end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
