I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
