Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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