This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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