You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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