So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
